When is a fish not a fish? As it turns out, a lot of the time.
There seems to have been a movement among those who were privileged to name animals to tell us that this creature lives in the water when they named them. “We’re going to call it a ‘fish’. It isn’t a fish. It looks nothing like a fish. But if we don’t call it a ‘fish’ they’ll not know it’s an underwater creature.”
Yup, we’s all dumb.
So we have cuttlefish, starfish, crayfish, jellyfish, etc. None are fish, none are in any way related to fish. But they live in the water, so…
Of course, jellyfish also aren’t related to jelly but they do, at least, look jelly-ish.
Jellyfish are brilliant, though. Other than if someone were on fire, they are the only reason in the world to pee on someone. Well, there is a third reason but, frankly, if it’s golden at any time other than in the early morning, see a GP. And, also, eww!
The tentacles of most jellyfish have ‘stingers’. Many are irritating, some are painful, a few can be fatal, such as the Sea Wasp jellyfish; this is a box jellyfish, with a cube-shaped umbrella, and box jellyfish are the ones to avoid. (The Portuguese man o’ war, which can also kill humans with its sting, isn’t a jellyfish, by the way, although it resembles one.)
Jellyfish tentacles have nematocysts. These are not stings, in the way wasps, bees, etc have stings. They are cells. These cells get under the skin and release a venom. Some species, however, release cell ‘grenades’, balls of cells that move around the jellyfish stinging anything they can. That, I believe, is the definition of cool.
The Diplomacy ‘Jellyfish’
In Diplomacy, the ‘Jellyfish’ is a player who has a pretty specialised skill. Whether you think this is a skill that should be part of Diplomacy or not is up to you.
A Jellyfish is skilled at getting ‘under the skin’. This is a phrase in British English that I’m not sure translates to other English-speaking cultures so I’ll explain what it means.
If you get under someone’s skin, you’ve irritated them, pissed them off. Some people are brilliant at this without even trying. Where I work, I can think of one person who just needs to amble into a room to annoy me. I can think of others who just open their mouths and say something that triggers my grrrroan of disdain. And at least one person who has spent so long up themselves that they commonly see the digestive process at work (and still can’t get it right, although they’ll swear they have).
Am I a bad person for having these feelings? Possibly. But you know you immediately thought of someone like this, too, didn’t you?
In Diplomacy, they may be someone like this; they may not need to do, say, or write anything – just be there. Honestly, though, I haven’t come across anyone that irritating in the Hobby. There are, though, some who could well describe their own faecal matter being formed. Truly, though, I think these are closer to Urechis unicinctus than Jellyfish.
The skill of the Jellyfish player is to get under another player’s skin to such an extent that the victim of their sting loses the ability to play the game. Some players are, of course, more susceptible to the Jellyfish’s sting than others. Some Dip players lose the ability to play the game simply by being stabbed; others are more resilient and it takes a truly skilled Jellyfish to antagonise them.
It seems that the Jellyfish is able to work out what triggers to pull, what is the thing that will ignite their victim. And they’re not afraid to use it. But why? Why set out to annoy another player you’re actively sharing a game with?
Well, it’s gamesmanship, isn’t it? You can see it in any competitive event. Is it surprising, then, that it is a part of Diplomacy? It shouldn’t surprise anyone that it is: it’s a Hobby with no monetary prizes, an amateur Hobby, in which some people cheat to win games… and in which cheating was actually organised at one point and was allowed by some GMs. If this goes on, Jellyfish players should surprise nobody.
A truly skilled Jellyfish won’t be insulting or abusive, although some are, of course. They’ll know what to say while remaining civil. They’ll do it in such a way that other players wonder what on Earth the victim is whining about!
The aim, of course, is to cause the victim to lose their grasp on the game. Victims become so irritated that they become predictable. If you can get a player to this point, you’re able to manage them more effectively.
No matter what you think of Jellyfish, they’re a part of the game, and they are skilled at what they do. You need to identify them and make sure that you immunise yourself against them, RFK be damned.
THE DIPLOMATICON 
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